Loving Living and Leaving This Country
Preface :
The reason I am writing this is because , When I thought about myself spending the most important part of my life in this foreign country,I wanted to tell everyone how it is here. There is nothing new or unusual about it,Its just a common tale of so many others like me,Who followed their husband with a hope to start a new life and take on the challenges at the other end of Globe.I am writing it here because sometimes we dont even realize or pay attention to something very simple and common happening around us and It is so close to our hearts.
I guess We all did pretty well in following their dreams and listening to their hearts.We all came with a sound educational backgrounds and rich cultural heritage,Just like most of the immigrants , only difference was that when we came " We wanted to return home " after two,five or ten years.Because We all had a great sense of bonding and security attached with Home in India,We still have it. None of us has yet actually decided if they wish to take their last breath here. When we ask each other this plain simple question - There is always a pause before saying yes or no. Most of the time It is No.We have to go back home.Someday...No body knows.
Thats why when I say leaving the country - I wish to add "I wonder if it will happen in this lifetime". But I must add "Leaving" because most of us do plan to retire someday and settle down in the homeland , only question they have then is "will We have the same Home at Home 35 years down the time?".
So many unanswered questions. Lets leave it as it is and move on towards Loving and Living in here.
Now Here we Go :
I came and settled , more than 5 years back,In this Country. Foreign Country-Completely New world to me. With Some Shattred Dreams and a plan to rebuild - I stepped Down on a warm sunny day, I dint know then how beautiful sunny days are because We always have warm sunny days back home.
With A filled out form Screaming my name as an Alien in front of it,Move to immigration and Luggage and Custom. I had only heard reather read that aliens are there on Mars and never knew - I was one or going to become one.Well It was easy when people smiled at me said Hello while passing by, Even asked "How are you ?" Also asked about my Henna all over my palms,T hough I dressed not-Indian. Atleaset I thought so in a shirt and pant, But others did notice my henna smeared hand and gold bangles plus other two Sakha-Pola(A traditional Bengali bangle worn by married women) and yeah very much visible sindur in parting of my hair.
An African-American guy helped me pick luggage from belt and dint ask for penny and I dint had the courtesy that I was supposed to give him some.I learnt shortly.
Thats how I came here, Knowing just one name, one face and one relationship - Everything On Paper because now I knew nothing mattered unless it was "On Paper". So Everything I had "Not On Paper" dint exist anymore. No matter how I felt about those. Moments, Friends and Family or My Career,Which I thought was my first and formost priority in life until the day I got married and tied everything to one man.
Swept off my feet with the volume of materialistic World. No Body cared what the other person wore or Ate but Everybody Smiled and nobody Glared at the fellow pedestrian or passenger.What A world-I love it.Any way - did I had other option,Did I really choose to love it or hate it?I was always taught to make best out of life and I did my best in doing so.Well I have nothing to do with these,How about I catch a train and travel or Just read a book at the nearest store.I can make paintings or Search for jobs or Download my favourite songs and burn CDs...
I did all that for Weeks,Quite many weeks.I also visited my beloved Dada - Bhabhi n Bhatija at their home in USA which was beyond my imagination few months back. Life was at full swing.Meeting new people - seeing new places and exploring the marriage. Not to mention learning to make Aloo paratha and methi ki sabzi,cooking chicken for first time. Also starting to drink tea. What big deal?
and Then Moved to suburbs. And another chapter here.So many Indians just like me-Some better some Worse but This is my Home Now.And this is place I guess became "My Home" in real sense,As I gave birth to My Son right here in this neighbourhood of NJ,USA. My Home Away from Home.
I can never thank those Nurses enough who took care of me,More than anybody could have,were always smiling at me when I called them for painkillers at 2-3 AM...Pampered I was throughout,All I did was enjoy the process of becoming mother.It was easy,So smooth and pleasant. I was taken and I took Them.
My World - My Baby - My angel.This was his home his motherland probably-After all his mother landed here from Somewhere.Well He got his USA Passport and had to apply for a visa to visit his Parent's Country...In a rush.
In a Rush when he lost his Grand Father,About which He had no clue,A 7 month old cant have.His mom arranging his Food, Formula and Diapers while his Dad rushing to get his picture and Visa.Hiding tears from each other-Holding them back in the eyes until they catch the flight.Afterall How can we get the tickets the very same day - unless we have a neighbour and friend arranging for them and their wives packing the suitcases with sarees in dull colors and baby-items,That cant be forgotten.
Some damage , Some loss can never ever be overcome.We reach "Home" after some 30 hrs of rushing through Airports and stations.Thoughout the trip - just getting ready to face the mother broke and devastated.Thinking "What shall I say","What shall I do","They will see their grandchild for first time-Will that help a bit".And million other things...Getting ready to face the world back home.
Well That ended and We came back with a little sick child and A feeling of loss.I still wonder "What he had to say to me-When he knew he is leaving"."did I just see him there?","Did he wanted something?"..What could that be.May be he just wanted to see us Once....May be If we could have seen him once...Now no matter what We do,We can not see him again,I searched through all his books,notes even the newspapers he read,All I found was his signatures-He tried to practice his signature by the side of every newspaper headlines.
Oh Damn. What A Loss.What A Loss..I know It was my destiny.I lost My Father who was more than my Father.It was the day when I actually realised What this loss means.And I learnt my lesson to catch up with people before we lose them.
This damage - Irrecoverable.This change - Irreversible.I still get goose bump and hot flash every time I imagine what if?
Well Holding onto those thoughts and his memories we step back Home.Start a fresh..Same old life and same old Routine.Making new friends Some really Good friends..May be They are the friends of Life.Though we donno how long is our life.You are alive until you know you are-Afterall.
We sit together , We gossip , We share tips and tricks for cooking or caring for kids and family. We laugh - We cry. We know we understand each other,We know We will stand by eachother. Not that we dont have grudges and we didnt hate what the other person did or said. And we dint ever thought - It would have been better if we never did that or Said that. After all We are humans and we have emotions sometimes overpowering our senses and our rational thinking.
It was in the process that I realise how people change Slowly. Its actually weird How they change the rules.How they always talk about the culture and inheriting them and copy the ways American live.Always admiring stealthily the way they look , Even if a desi succeeds in looking spanish they feel they are one step ahead.Why??Why do we need to do that. How we start doing potlucks for every festival celebrations or we have diwali party and Holi party but not diyas or puja or colors??? Why do we need that?
Its not all.I also witnessed the India Day parade which is actually a celebration of India's Independence though had to be accomodated in following weekend..If 15th is not a saturday or sunday.Well No Jan-gana-Man sung , All he jhankis are about various products or airlines who paid hefty amount to appear on street to get a TV coverage and yes some celebrities from India are sure to attend it,They are also paid in Dollars. This is all about it.
What a Joke it is? Well this is all thanks to that business class of Indians here who have really made their marc.Kudos to them.They struggled and faught and are the actual survivors mostly from tha land of Our Mahatma Gandhi. They dont leave any stone unturned to make their business flourish,They knwo just the things to do.They have just the right contacts and they maintain it.There is so much to learn here.
One place that I actually felt connected to is the Durga Temple in our neighbourhood city.The day I went there - More than 4 years back.I heard the same bhajan Ma used to sing and I couldnt hold it back.Staring at the face of Ma Durga I felt like She looked through me - Told me "I am here",Reassured me and I cried.Since then Everytime I went there I got this great sense of releif and peace.Though I cry most of the days especially if I caught up in Kirtan.Thats the best part of the day when I actually in front of the deity.I remmber those days when I used to get up in middle of night screaing and Ma baught me this Locket of Kali ma which was protecting me till I got married and sincontinued wearing the silver locket,I never baught teh gold one and never wore again. I still have one or two of them in some metal. Now she is inside me and stregthens me Always.
It seemd like life went stand still after child birth.Practically there seemed to be gap a wide gap in my life.I try to think about things I did and Cant recall much but tending to my son , taking care of his needs his requiremnets time to time.It depended on him- what we will eat,where we will go or what we will do , when we will sleep and so on.
But In the mean time I started driving-Took lesson and failed once , passed the second time...much after birth of my son , I actually started driving.The day I first drove all alone is some of a memory,I fell in love with the world around me.It was a hot summer day and It felt awesome , Almost like flying , Rolling over concrete , sitting behind the wheel - Totally "In control" I was.It was the day I fell in love with Metuchen Downtown , The moments I slid through roads lined by shadowy trees is kept in my heart.I felt the pleasure passing through my nerves-I felt a new sense of freedom and confidence.Which encouraged me to take on the world.
It was the following winter when my son approached in second birthday and my parents came to visit me.I always felt that the time around my Birthday is always happening for me and this year again I took some life changing decision which was one of the toighest.I started working.Yes-Neck deep in guilt I went for an interview after lots of re assurance from my parents and a friend who is an angel in my life.
I got everything I wanted - A safe place to work on at my terms and conditions.
I baught cloths - formal,This was my plan long time back when I was getting ready to hit this country ,Only it waited 3.5 yrs long .
The day I stepped out for work - With tears in my eyes,Leaving my son with "not-mom" - still cuddled in bed,He wasnt going to get up for next 2 hrs or more.I kept wondering what will he do when he gets up and not see me?Will he cry?Will he cry all day-Until I come? Will he eat anything? Will he play with anyone? What am I doing?Is it what I always wanted to de-become? What kind of a mom I am-or have become ?? Ok ok - I wont do it for long,may be 3 months or 6 months.Thats it.
Well not to mention it has been almost 2 yrs doing the same odd job at the same odd office.
Guilty - Guilty - Guilty. For Everything happening around me.I wonder if I was always like that or I just became one.I felt guilkty for everything that happned,If My kid got sick , or he got hurt or he dint eat or he dint behave , if my husband forgot his lunch , if I couldnt clean the mess , if I couldnt return some calls even certain things beyond reason or justification - such as snow all day make me feel guilty.Well When I read this line in some parenting magazine , It gave me certain consolation that "If there is anything deeper than motherly guilt it is motherly love"-What a thing to say.Really heart warming - atleast for some timer until it stopped snowing and my son loved to watch the iceicles melt and make my heart melt.
Much before I got into the loop of parent hood,I started my Art classes.I printed sheets with my home phone no. and talked about Art lessons for kids.I posted them out on mailboxes and started getting calls - also 3 kids from neighbourhood started coming as well.That was one lovely experience of my life.Spending time with them , socialising with their moms.I would wait eagerly everyday for them to come and I can teach them new tricks of watercolor.I filled 3 albums with some 120 pantings planned to enrich their talent. They made in colored pencils or just pencils,Crayons and watercolors.Depending on the kids style , capacity and liking I recommneded them what to draw and how to draw. I felt so proud as I saw them improve slowly.I loved it when they drew something for me. They waited eagerly while my child was born and I restarted the class right after 3 months. That summer I got more than 12 kids my class.I loved them and they recoprocated. That was the time i realised how much I love to be with kids and may be thats one proffession that can give me satisfaction and real happiness.I had to discontinue after my job and a plan to study in college.I got admission in an Online Masters Program,from a reputed university - which I dint persue later.I cant say I coudnt because I beleive everything is possoble if you have that level of passion and intensity,May be I lacked it at that point.Certain things have to wait and its never too late afterall.
My parents left and I also had to work for 8 hrs,I had to wake up my son when I left and drop him with Didi.The angel in our Life. Who took care of him much better than I could.The most positive person I have ever seen and She rocks.She is still like a light house to me always bringing me on track.When she announced her departure to India,I was shaken.Though I knew It was going to happen sooner or later , the later the better - I had to get ready for a backup plan.Either I would quit or I would find a childcare.Somehow i got convinced that I cant add much value to my kids life once he is almost 3 , by keeping him home with me.Anyway he is such a shy creature , he needs to go out and meet people , make friends and learn the way of his country.I am completely Indian and thats all I can teach him to become. So started my serach for a childcare which can be close to my work and he will enjoy being there.
I found this Academy near my home and I registred as I liked the School Director when I went for school open house.Though it turned out to be a disaster with my incisently crying kid.They were calling me the very 2nd day to come pick the kid as it was no managble to them.Well I did it.I picked him the first day and the second, Good that I had 1 montth time before I tried that place.Finally after much recomendations I chose the Day care close to my work and things seem to work. Especially the Indian Teacher in the class did wonders, As my son was still using "Dudhu" for milk and "Paani" for water-He needed someone to understand him.He started calling her "Vinni Ma".One of the worst Guilty phase of my life.I would cry in car every day alone while pulling him away clutching onto my cloths.Wiping my tears I would enter office and call school every hr. Everytime I would call - They will tell me "He is still crying or he just calmed down"....But everyday I would also hear - He is getting better and he actually did get better by passing time.Good that Didi was here for intial month - she picked him early and that helped him to settle down in the class though it broke my heart every day till the day when he dint want to come home and hugged all his friend before leaving the class or went back to class to get snack from his teacher or collect the item he just made - like a bracelet or just his fingerprints. I am just so proud of him!!
Now he is 3 and half years old with a friend list of over 25 kids,Its not that he is just populer among them or he wishes to see them everyday but he has good time with them.He is always looking forward to meet more people.I know that but he wont agree,As he has taken after his dad. Exactly like his father he is.
The day I saw picture of 3rd ultra sound in my 38th week of pregnancy I thought I am giving birth to a carbon copy of my husband, Well when he was born we thought he looked like me. All white, pink n chubby and a quite big baby with almost 9 LB weight.Wide forehead and a pointy chin.. well it changed within 3 months and he actually was a copy of his father - Even the same blood group they shared. Now as he is growing - he personality emergeing I know its not only outside but inside he is like his dad. It runs in the family I guess.
And I am so proud of it. I always liked talking to my Father in Law and he liked to talk. He was so passionate about physics,Religion or philosophy. It was amazing how much he knew and how much he was ready to share it with everyone. I wish my son becomes like his dad - who is just the right blend of everything. That Keeps me rooted to the ground else I am vagabound - who knows where will I end up. Though I do wish he has some talent and appreciation for Art that I have , I love to see him playing drum he got in his Birthday present or When he paints something nice I feel really glad but it breaks my heart when he just scribbles and comes up to me saying "Look I made a rocket ship".
And yes I must mention about Didi who actually went back home just to re-return to us,I was heartbroken once she left and now that she is back I feel I got my family back.Her kids were glad-I will always remember their reaction when we picked them up at the airport, How they rushed to see my kid at his Daycare and his teacher said "Are they his cousins".Yes!!!
Amazing Journey it is.
Ths Country. I have spend just 5 years and few months. I am sure If it was not in this country it would definitely been different. I donno good or bad but I cant complain.All the things I learnt here - The most important lesson of freedom and independence I learnt here. I am still learning every day. Everyday I dream I plan and I know someday I will achieve.
I will write more about my journey when I get to the next milestone. The American Dream of building a "Home Sweet Home" and yeah My Prapti. Later.
The reason I am writing this is because , When I thought about myself spending the most important part of my life in this foreign country,I wanted to tell everyone how it is here. There is nothing new or unusual about it,Its just a common tale of so many others like me,Who followed their husband with a hope to start a new life and take on the challenges at the other end of Globe.I am writing it here because sometimes we dont even realize or pay attention to something very simple and common happening around us and It is so close to our hearts.
I guess We all did pretty well in following their dreams and listening to their hearts.We all came with a sound educational backgrounds and rich cultural heritage,Just like most of the immigrants , only difference was that when we came " We wanted to return home " after two,five or ten years.Because We all had a great sense of bonding and security attached with Home in India,We still have it. None of us has yet actually decided if they wish to take their last breath here. When we ask each other this plain simple question - There is always a pause before saying yes or no. Most of the time It is No.We have to go back home.Someday...No body knows.
Thats why when I say leaving the country - I wish to add "I wonder if it will happen in this lifetime". But I must add "Leaving" because most of us do plan to retire someday and settle down in the homeland , only question they have then is "will We have the same Home at Home 35 years down the time?".
So many unanswered questions. Lets leave it as it is and move on towards Loving and Living in here.
Now Here we Go :
I came and settled , more than 5 years back,In this Country. Foreign Country-Completely New world to me. With Some Shattred Dreams and a plan to rebuild - I stepped Down on a warm sunny day, I dint know then how beautiful sunny days are because We always have warm sunny days back home.
With A filled out form Screaming my name as an Alien in front of it,Move to immigration and Luggage and Custom. I had only heard reather read that aliens are there on Mars and never knew - I was one or going to become one.Well It was easy when people smiled at me said Hello while passing by, Even asked "How are you ?" Also asked about my Henna all over my palms,T hough I dressed not-Indian. Atleaset I thought so in a shirt and pant, But others did notice my henna smeared hand and gold bangles plus other two Sakha-Pola(A traditional Bengali bangle worn by married women) and yeah very much visible sindur in parting of my hair.
An African-American guy helped me pick luggage from belt and dint ask for penny and I dint had the courtesy that I was supposed to give him some.I learnt shortly.
Thats how I came here, Knowing just one name, one face and one relationship - Everything On Paper because now I knew nothing mattered unless it was "On Paper". So Everything I had "Not On Paper" dint exist anymore. No matter how I felt about those. Moments, Friends and Family or My Career,Which I thought was my first and formost priority in life until the day I got married and tied everything to one man.
Swept off my feet with the volume of materialistic World. No Body cared what the other person wore or Ate but Everybody Smiled and nobody Glared at the fellow pedestrian or passenger.What A world-I love it.Any way - did I had other option,Did I really choose to love it or hate it?I was always taught to make best out of life and I did my best in doing so.Well I have nothing to do with these,How about I catch a train and travel or Just read a book at the nearest store.I can make paintings or Search for jobs or Download my favourite songs and burn CDs...
I did all that for Weeks,Quite many weeks.I also visited my beloved Dada - Bhabhi n Bhatija at their home in USA which was beyond my imagination few months back. Life was at full swing.Meeting new people - seeing new places and exploring the marriage. Not to mention learning to make Aloo paratha and methi ki sabzi,cooking chicken for first time. Also starting to drink tea. What big deal?
and Then Moved to suburbs. And another chapter here.So many Indians just like me-Some better some Worse but This is my Home Now.And this is place I guess became "My Home" in real sense,As I gave birth to My Son right here in this neighbourhood of NJ,USA. My Home Away from Home.
I can never thank those Nurses enough who took care of me,More than anybody could have,were always smiling at me when I called them for painkillers at 2-3 AM...Pampered I was throughout,All I did was enjoy the process of becoming mother.It was easy,So smooth and pleasant. I was taken and I took Them.
My World - My Baby - My angel.This was his home his motherland probably-After all his mother landed here from Somewhere.Well He got his USA Passport and had to apply for a visa to visit his Parent's Country...In a rush.
In a Rush when he lost his Grand Father,About which He had no clue,A 7 month old cant have.His mom arranging his Food, Formula and Diapers while his Dad rushing to get his picture and Visa.Hiding tears from each other-Holding them back in the eyes until they catch the flight.Afterall How can we get the tickets the very same day - unless we have a neighbour and friend arranging for them and their wives packing the suitcases with sarees in dull colors and baby-items,That cant be forgotten.
Some damage , Some loss can never ever be overcome.We reach "Home" after some 30 hrs of rushing through Airports and stations.Thoughout the trip - just getting ready to face the mother broke and devastated.Thinking "What shall I say","What shall I do","They will see their grandchild for first time-Will that help a bit".And million other things...Getting ready to face the world back home.
Well That ended and We came back with a little sick child and A feeling of loss.I still wonder "What he had to say to me-When he knew he is leaving"."did I just see him there?","Did he wanted something?"..What could that be.May be he just wanted to see us Once....May be If we could have seen him once...Now no matter what We do,We can not see him again,I searched through all his books,notes even the newspapers he read,All I found was his signatures-He tried to practice his signature by the side of every newspaper headlines.
Oh Damn. What A Loss.What A Loss..I know It was my destiny.I lost My Father who was more than my Father.It was the day when I actually realised What this loss means.And I learnt my lesson to catch up with people before we lose them.
This damage - Irrecoverable.This change - Irreversible.I still get goose bump and hot flash every time I imagine what if?
Well Holding onto those thoughts and his memories we step back Home.Start a fresh..Same old life and same old Routine.Making new friends Some really Good friends..May be They are the friends of Life.Though we donno how long is our life.You are alive until you know you are-Afterall.
We sit together , We gossip , We share tips and tricks for cooking or caring for kids and family. We laugh - We cry. We know we understand each other,We know We will stand by eachother. Not that we dont have grudges and we didnt hate what the other person did or said. And we dint ever thought - It would have been better if we never did that or Said that. After all We are humans and we have emotions sometimes overpowering our senses and our rational thinking.
It was in the process that I realise how people change Slowly. Its actually weird How they change the rules.How they always talk about the culture and inheriting them and copy the ways American live.Always admiring stealthily the way they look , Even if a desi succeeds in looking spanish they feel they are one step ahead.Why??Why do we need to do that. How we start doing potlucks for every festival celebrations or we have diwali party and Holi party but not diyas or puja or colors??? Why do we need that?
Its not all.I also witnessed the India Day parade which is actually a celebration of India's Independence though had to be accomodated in following weekend..If 15th is not a saturday or sunday.Well No Jan-gana-Man sung , All he jhankis are about various products or airlines who paid hefty amount to appear on street to get a TV coverage and yes some celebrities from India are sure to attend it,They are also paid in Dollars. This is all about it.
What a Joke it is? Well this is all thanks to that business class of Indians here who have really made their marc.Kudos to them.They struggled and faught and are the actual survivors mostly from tha land of Our Mahatma Gandhi. They dont leave any stone unturned to make their business flourish,They knwo just the things to do.They have just the right contacts and they maintain it.There is so much to learn here.
One place that I actually felt connected to is the Durga Temple in our neighbourhood city.The day I went there - More than 4 years back.I heard the same bhajan Ma used to sing and I couldnt hold it back.Staring at the face of Ma Durga I felt like She looked through me - Told me "I am here",Reassured me and I cried.Since then Everytime I went there I got this great sense of releif and peace.Though I cry most of the days especially if I caught up in Kirtan.Thats the best part of the day when I actually in front of the deity.I remmber those days when I used to get up in middle of night screaing and Ma baught me this Locket of Kali ma which was protecting me till I got married and sincontinued wearing the silver locket,I never baught teh gold one and never wore again. I still have one or two of them in some metal. Now she is inside me and stregthens me Always.
It seemd like life went stand still after child birth.Practically there seemed to be gap a wide gap in my life.I try to think about things I did and Cant recall much but tending to my son , taking care of his needs his requiremnets time to time.It depended on him- what we will eat,where we will go or what we will do , when we will sleep and so on.
But In the mean time I started driving-Took lesson and failed once , passed the second time...much after birth of my son , I actually started driving.The day I first drove all alone is some of a memory,I fell in love with the world around me.It was a hot summer day and It felt awesome , Almost like flying , Rolling over concrete , sitting behind the wheel - Totally "In control" I was.It was the day I fell in love with Metuchen Downtown , The moments I slid through roads lined by shadowy trees is kept in my heart.I felt the pleasure passing through my nerves-I felt a new sense of freedom and confidence.Which encouraged me to take on the world.
It was the following winter when my son approached in second birthday and my parents came to visit me.I always felt that the time around my Birthday is always happening for me and this year again I took some life changing decision which was one of the toighest.I started working.Yes-Neck deep in guilt I went for an interview after lots of re assurance from my parents and a friend who is an angel in my life.
I got everything I wanted - A safe place to work on at my terms and conditions.
I baught cloths - formal,This was my plan long time back when I was getting ready to hit this country ,Only it waited 3.5 yrs long .
The day I stepped out for work - With tears in my eyes,Leaving my son with "not-mom" - still cuddled in bed,He wasnt going to get up for next 2 hrs or more.I kept wondering what will he do when he gets up and not see me?Will he cry?Will he cry all day-Until I come? Will he eat anything? Will he play with anyone? What am I doing?Is it what I always wanted to de-become? What kind of a mom I am-or have become ?? Ok ok - I wont do it for long,may be 3 months or 6 months.Thats it.
Well not to mention it has been almost 2 yrs doing the same odd job at the same odd office.
Guilty - Guilty - Guilty. For Everything happening around me.I wonder if I was always like that or I just became one.I felt guilkty for everything that happned,If My kid got sick , or he got hurt or he dint eat or he dint behave , if my husband forgot his lunch , if I couldnt clean the mess , if I couldnt return some calls even certain things beyond reason or justification - such as snow all day make me feel guilty.Well When I read this line in some parenting magazine , It gave me certain consolation that "If there is anything deeper than motherly guilt it is motherly love"-What a thing to say.Really heart warming - atleast for some timer until it stopped snowing and my son loved to watch the iceicles melt and make my heart melt.
Much before I got into the loop of parent hood,I started my Art classes.I printed sheets with my home phone no. and talked about Art lessons for kids.I posted them out on mailboxes and started getting calls - also 3 kids from neighbourhood started coming as well.That was one lovely experience of my life.Spending time with them , socialising with their moms.I would wait eagerly everyday for them to come and I can teach them new tricks of watercolor.I filled 3 albums with some 120 pantings planned to enrich their talent. They made in colored pencils or just pencils,Crayons and watercolors.Depending on the kids style , capacity and liking I recommneded them what to draw and how to draw. I felt so proud as I saw them improve slowly.I loved it when they drew something for me. They waited eagerly while my child was born and I restarted the class right after 3 months. That summer I got more than 12 kids my class.I loved them and they recoprocated. That was the time i realised how much I love to be with kids and may be thats one proffession that can give me satisfaction and real happiness.I had to discontinue after my job and a plan to study in college.I got admission in an Online Masters Program,from a reputed university - which I dint persue later.I cant say I coudnt because I beleive everything is possoble if you have that level of passion and intensity,May be I lacked it at that point.Certain things have to wait and its never too late afterall.
My parents left and I also had to work for 8 hrs,I had to wake up my son when I left and drop him with Didi.The angel in our Life. Who took care of him much better than I could.The most positive person I have ever seen and She rocks.She is still like a light house to me always bringing me on track.When she announced her departure to India,I was shaken.Though I knew It was going to happen sooner or later , the later the better - I had to get ready for a backup plan.Either I would quit or I would find a childcare.Somehow i got convinced that I cant add much value to my kids life once he is almost 3 , by keeping him home with me.Anyway he is such a shy creature , he needs to go out and meet people , make friends and learn the way of his country.I am completely Indian and thats all I can teach him to become. So started my serach for a childcare which can be close to my work and he will enjoy being there.
I found this Academy near my home and I registred as I liked the School Director when I went for school open house.Though it turned out to be a disaster with my incisently crying kid.They were calling me the very 2nd day to come pick the kid as it was no managble to them.Well I did it.I picked him the first day and the second, Good that I had 1 montth time before I tried that place.Finally after much recomendations I chose the Day care close to my work and things seem to work. Especially the Indian Teacher in the class did wonders, As my son was still using "Dudhu" for milk and "Paani" for water-He needed someone to understand him.He started calling her "Vinni Ma".One of the worst Guilty phase of my life.I would cry in car every day alone while pulling him away clutching onto my cloths.Wiping my tears I would enter office and call school every hr. Everytime I would call - They will tell me "He is still crying or he just calmed down"....But everyday I would also hear - He is getting better and he actually did get better by passing time.Good that Didi was here for intial month - she picked him early and that helped him to settle down in the class though it broke my heart every day till the day when he dint want to come home and hugged all his friend before leaving the class or went back to class to get snack from his teacher or collect the item he just made - like a bracelet or just his fingerprints. I am just so proud of him!!
Now he is 3 and half years old with a friend list of over 25 kids,Its not that he is just populer among them or he wishes to see them everyday but he has good time with them.He is always looking forward to meet more people.I know that but he wont agree,As he has taken after his dad. Exactly like his father he is.
The day I saw picture of 3rd ultra sound in my 38th week of pregnancy I thought I am giving birth to a carbon copy of my husband, Well when he was born we thought he looked like me. All white, pink n chubby and a quite big baby with almost 9 LB weight.Wide forehead and a pointy chin.. well it changed within 3 months and he actually was a copy of his father - Even the same blood group they shared. Now as he is growing - he personality emergeing I know its not only outside but inside he is like his dad. It runs in the family I guess.
And I am so proud of it. I always liked talking to my Father in Law and he liked to talk. He was so passionate about physics,Religion or philosophy. It was amazing how much he knew and how much he was ready to share it with everyone. I wish my son becomes like his dad - who is just the right blend of everything. That Keeps me rooted to the ground else I am vagabound - who knows where will I end up. Though I do wish he has some talent and appreciation for Art that I have , I love to see him playing drum he got in his Birthday present or When he paints something nice I feel really glad but it breaks my heart when he just scribbles and comes up to me saying "Look I made a rocket ship".
And yes I must mention about Didi who actually went back home just to re-return to us,I was heartbroken once she left and now that she is back I feel I got my family back.Her kids were glad-I will always remember their reaction when we picked them up at the airport, How they rushed to see my kid at his Daycare and his teacher said "Are they his cousins".Yes!!!
Amazing Journey it is.
Ths Country. I have spend just 5 years and few months. I am sure If it was not in this country it would definitely been different. I donno good or bad but I cant complain.All the things I learnt here - The most important lesson of freedom and independence I learnt here. I am still learning every day. Everyday I dream I plan and I know someday I will achieve.
I will write more about my journey when I get to the next milestone. The American Dream of building a "Home Sweet Home" and yeah My Prapti. Later.
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