दिल की बातें, सीधे से

Are you as happy as you look you are. Or you are pretending so... All Tho pictures i see of Faces. Millions of them. Posing Smiling. Looking at each other. With So much Love and So much care. Seems its all real. Is it all Real? All the Times? I wonder then. Why not this world is filled with Love. Peace and Harmony. With so many pretty things around to look at. But that will be my dream of utopia them. With love all over. Thats not the reality. The bitter truth is all over. Adn that makes me think-ponder. All these smiles and talks of love. Can not be true....Deep inside There is something else. Hatred-Grudges. The feel of injustice. The feel - I was Cheated. And then A Plan of revenge. Though I still wish. All those smiles - Were true. Are true. May be-We are so blessed. We all smile our ways through. Into this World. Through this life.

Thinking whom I trust most and Who can betray me. I close my eyes..Try to see The One I trust most. And I have a tough time looking. With no image in mind. I start the search-wandering through myself. and I try to look inside. with my eyes shut. Is there anything - Not yet. Its a vaccum - I see. Total vaccum - not even air. To breath - to trust. Inside my own head. What I dint even store my own image? Whew..Something is wrong. Cmon - How long can I keep them shut anyways. So I open my eyes llok around myself. Smile at things - people And try to think other way. Who is the one to betray me. As soon as eyes Shut. It gets noisy inside. So many-too many. Faces known - faces unknown. All are there - him, her, them.. All of them. Its suffocating now. Hey wait - Look closer. Faces changing - and their features too. Something is common in them. They all look the same. Well They are-a Closer look. Its Me. Really?? My disguise. Yeah-unbeleiveble . But true-Its myself. I least trust. Forget abou...

चेहरो पे चेहरे नक़ाब और नक़ाब छिपते फिरते हैं ख़ुद से ही हम अपने आप कितने पेहलू कितने चेहरे एक इंसान के पल पल बदलते रंग हम हालातो से - लोगो से छिपाते अपनी ही एक पेहचान को दूसरे से दूसरे को तीसरे से और कितने ही - अनगिनत कई बार ऐसा भी लगता है की इनमे गुम चुका है असली और नक़ली का फ़र्क अब बस खो चुके है अपनी ही पहेली मे हम भटकते अपने ही बनाए चक्रव्यूह मे अभिमन्यु के तरह बिंधते तीरो से समय के खंजरो मे घिरे हताश और घायल ढूंढते ख़ुद को एक रास्ता बाहर का इस भूल भुलैया मे मन के खोए उलझे नक़ाब कई

An Angry Women She is. Furiating on everything came to her. Seeing Somebody sad made her angry. She almost felt like screaming on it. Choking with anger , she is. When She realised somebody she loved got hurt. she screamed and yelled. Sometimes she even threw things around. sometimes she even bit herself - in anger. bang her own head on walls or floors. In Frustration. Of not being able to control herself. Or not stop feeling guilty for everything happening around her. Why dint I stop that from happening. That happened because I let it happen. And then she felt Worthless and unhappy. But she just yelled and screamed and everyone. She came across with. Because - She couldnt cry. She choked in her throat. But everybody scared of her. No body could master the guts to reach out. To her. Listen to her and let her cry out. Spmebody-Somebody..Should tell her. She is not god. She doesnt control the nature. And she must not try to control herself. Let it out. If its anger. So be it. Let it Flow...

Now I know.. Why I felt So Lost. Why I felt like I am falling from the sky. In a Narrow Trench. Suffocating - Falling deeper. Going to split into tousand tiny pieces. Crazy Ideas - Woggling my mind. Eating away - Anything nice I had to offer. Why I felt - I was no good. Why I thought - I have nothing to look forward to. Why So many times - It occurred to me , That I should just get Lost. I was tired. I was worried. I was lonely - By myself. Because I thought. You are not there. Because you are my sky - where I could fly. Controlling my moves-without falling. You are my land - For that easy landing. Without any trenches - all plain. You are my Air I breath. Without suffocating. I dont feel you around and I am no where. You bring me together. Now I know. And now I will never Let you go. No matter what - We will never Apart. I realised it last night. When you were not with me - little unusually. I could still feel - how it would have felt. If you were there. I missed - though I knew Touch...

Bitter and Sweet....Then Sweet and Bitter This is how it tastes.. Life with you. Hell and Heaven. I always knew - doesnt exist. Away from this land. This is how it seems. Life together. Hell and Heaven and Heaven and hell. We cant have both. And we have to see both. Right here. Where we are. Sometimes good sometimes bad. The time changes as it passes. Its good and then It bad and then good again. So simple - to say. But tough to agree. When we are at the sallow end. we need to hold on and wait. For the change. BitterSweet. thats what - It Is.

The gift of love. The gift of Care. The Support you offered and the Feelings we Shared. After some Time, If not too long. I felt not-Alone. And Felt - I can Rely. I can trust that you are there. Understanding and feeling. Same as I do. Soothing my mind and lifting weight off my chest. That was how exactly. I felt. When you offered me care. and showed - That you care. Said - You love Me. And So Do I. All that I needed. To get back the strength. Now I can Reach the Moon. And grab stars in my fist. Cruise through the storms. walk on that fire. Because I know you are there. To hold me back and Bring me higher. Everything to me. Today and forever.

Light at the end of Tunnel And Cloud with a silver lining Heard it so many times But never beleived in those. I always look around and realised How dark it is. Inside and Around Me. Always trying to analyse things in the dark. and Getting confused. Taking rope for the snake. and Honey for Fire. Keeping things to myself. With the Fear of Loss. Loss of what?? Fear to lose the fear. I shut down myself in that closet. Sulking - Thinking. I do not deserve to see any other color. But this darkness all around me. What an Excuse?? To save from Shedding all the inhibition. Feel Free from all those fears. Monsters of Mind - In this closet. all those guilts - looming larger. over head. Take the Step out. The end of tunnel is close. And so is the world. Full of Light. Full of Couds - Full with rain. Waiting for you to see them. Eager to rain on you. Drench you. Clense and heal those wounds. Those dont deserve to stay any longer. Get out. The whole new world is waiting for you. And you have just on...

लम्हे गुजरते लम्हे देखकर तुम्हारी राह केहने को तो "एक ज़रा हाथ बढ़ा ले तो पकड़ ले दामन उनके सीने मे समा जाए हमारी धड़कन" लेकिन शादियो का ये फ़ासला. दूरी कौन सो? अभी तो हम मिले हैं तो कर ली कितनी बाते इधर की उधर की पूछे मैने - पूछे तुमने कैसे हो - क्या करते हो. कितनी बाते सतही बाते - सबकी सब. ना केह सके..दिल की वो बाते जो कहनी थी बस तुमसे. आज कहेंगे - कल कहेंगे कौन सा समय भागा जा रहा है लेकिन ये तो बहगा जा रहा है बिना किसी आहट के. ना वक़्त करे बरवाद और हम आजज करे दिल की बाते फिर से खुल के. इससे पहले की. वैसा भी आ जाए पल . जब ना सुन पाए हम अपने ही दिल की बाते. ये लम्हा और वो लम्हा हर एक लम्हा जी ले जी भर के आज तुम्हारे दिल से सुन ले अपने दिल की बाते. चलो जिये ये लम्हा... देखे तुमको हम अपने आईने सा तुम्मे पाए ख़ुद की तस्वीर - और निहारे तुमको अब जी भर के ना बीत जाए ये पल-आने वाला कोई भी पल. बनाए नयी यादे. हर लम्हो मे आख़िर और क्या है अपनी ज़िंदगी लम्हो की माला. एक लम्हे से जुड़ा दूसरा लम्हा. और इनके साथ बदलते रंग हमारी ज़िंदगी आओ करे सफ़र. लम्हो का लम्हे से.

What Happend? If They leave you alone. What if They Cut you off - like a rotten part. What if they always think - you were disgusting. If you survive - You will have to go on. What If - Sometimes It seems the end of the World. What if - Sometimes You feel like Destroying yourself. Until you have destryoed yourself. You need to go on - As Good as Ever. Carry yourself around. No matter What. Because no body cares - or bothers for you. Unless you care for them or bother about. Why would they do? If you have gone numb. To their feelings , emotions and so called desires. Today you wake up and think someone will come. And wipe your tears - give a shoulder to cry? How many times they must have cried. And the shoulder to lean on - was definitely not yours. So What Happened?? Why such complaints. There is a Beautiful world. Even without them or Without you. Go out - look around. Break the mirror you have been looking at. Look out the window. Look at the women pregnant and heavy. Look at the ki...

All I wish Today is To Disappear from where I am sitting Just melt into Thin air. Get invisible. Lost in Darkness. Where I cant even See myself. I cant feel. How do I look or Feel. Just go lost in a snap. No body niticing me. And never realizing I was here - around. And never come back. Into this world. I wish to. Not feel like a body a brain or heart anymore. I wish - not be myself anymore. Who Am I anyway. Nothing - To be proud of. So why not just erase myself from face of this world. Who needs me anyway. All I wish. Is this - And thats all.