दिल की बातें, सीधे से

Today was Eid. I am Hindu and I practice my religion with complete faith in it and so I mark today as the first day of Navratri. Navratri or Durga puja is the most important festival for me so I woke up earlier than usual just so I could take shower and mange to do my puja before I leave for the day. I have lived in Calcutta and that's why this festival is of special importance to me. I have also grown in a neighborhood which w s very secular and I had friends of every religion while I was a kid. I woke up listening to Azan every morning during my schools and college days, as my dad believed in "Early to bed and early to rise-makes a man healthy wealthy and wise". I never entered the mosque but I knew people who prayed there and I knew what all they are cooking for Eid - I also waited for Moharram eagerly to see the decorations and possessions across the street the whole day. While I talk about it I hear the Moharram drum pounding while the drums of Durga puja pandals ech...

Guess what, I have finished reading that Hindi book, way back last week and also I have moved to the new location today morning. My boss was somewhat happy that I will be more reachable. Though, since I dint inform another manager about my move, he went looking for me at old location and came back to my mumbling- no one tells him anything. Well I was sorry-I should have done that first thing in morning today. I assumed everybody knew it because everybody I talked to about did know it. I need to bring a plant here as this office is going to my destination location at 388 Greenwich offices, overlooking the Hudson River. The river I saw from the plane when I was about to land the very first time to NJ that became my home later. I see NYPD choppers circling over the river constantly during the day and I bet they do the same over the night, some security measure taken after WTC attacks. I feel lonely - and I do miss Alta as I know it wouldn't be the same now that I have moved from there...

am scheduled to move on Monday at 10:00 AM. When I started at Citi I was assigned a spot on a different floor that my managers wanted me to (same as his) due to unavailability and I was also somewhat disappointed that I will have to be at a different location and undoubtedly it had its share of problems. Soon I made friends with my neighbor Roweena , who was from Jamaica and since we dint have any wall between our spaces, I kept asking her all the questions I needed to. She was a great help when I started here and felt clueless sometimes and also feared of doing something inappropriate. She told me things about Jamaica and Ney York also about the cafeteria downstairs. She took me there the very first day and helped me to get the cafeteria card, which I stopped using later realizing I could just pay by my credit card and also accumulate points. She dint tell me she was a temp and her tenure was getting over. She once told me " You are going to miss me" and I assumed it is beca...

Reading in Hindi. Yes, finally after many months (I do not address time in years unless its over 5 years and its not) I got hold of a Hindi short stories book. Thanks to a Kaki Mrs. Kalpana Mishra, She is sister of Manju Chaudhary (Owner-NIIT BKP and few more) also a colleague of my Father-in-Law from Sahrasa college. They happen to be our neighbors from Saharsa while her son lives in PA, an hour drive from our house in NJ. Also her daughter-in-law Pallavi is one of my closest friends now. She was visiting NJ and really liked visiting her, inviting her and talking to her. The last time I met her it was in Pallavi's house and I saw this Hindi book which was already read. I asked her if I can borrow it and I knew she won't say no. It was wonderful to get it and today I started reading it in train. I know people around me must be looking at the script and I am proud I m reading a book in a language they can not. Of course the on lookers include a lot and lot of Indians. Who cares...

Yesterday I was booming with ideas and I was looking for an ear that could lend itself and hear me out, may be also feel as excited as I was feeling. Well as soon as I was home I started talking about things I have planned for the collage and about converting my studio walls into a "Memory Lane". How we can use some old wooden boards and use them as name plates for the rooms. How about getting a rusty board saying Rasoi with an arrow on it. Won't it be fun-I could feel how un-interested my audiences were, so finally I spoke out loud how much I would have appreciated if he could show little enthusiasm. Well the feedback that followed was, you always talk about things and then it fades. Earlier last month you started with a wall which is still sitting as it is. Is aid "because I couldn't get what I needed to put it together. - Well then, go get it! - I got my answer. Guess it was too much to expect that everybody can feel enthusiastic about things you get excited a...

Yesterday I was sitting in my home library just going through the shelves. I found the baby collage I made more than 5 years back, when I was pregnant with Pratyush. It is very pretty; I don't know how many magazines I went through to collect all those picture and finally putting them together in not any order as such. Just cutting and pasting them all over. My husband who was engrossed in his PC also took notice and was delighted to see it. He suggested why don't put it back up while I was thinking of putting together one more for my baby. Will she/he is going to get a hands-me-down collage for the start? But then I wonder when will I find time and where from am I going to collect all those pictures of babies for another collage. Now I have better ideas actually but just a little bit tight on time and resources. I will try - I can get up little earlier this Saturday and navigate through the magazines I have. May be Pratyush will also lend me a hand, naughty one rather than hel...

Well I finished reading "The Ivy Chronicles" last week. It was hilarious and also very informative. It talked about how the life takes it course and sometimes things happen because it has to. By the en of the day, sometimes people realize that it wasn't that bad after all. Also how we look away from what we really need than what we want to make other people envy which leaves a bad taste in mouth and a list of regrets. On the same notes it was about how we tell a lie and get caught on the web of lies. When I talk about information, in the book the author uncovers the private schooling system in Manhattan which is quite comparable to the one in India. How parents have to write essays and appear in interviews and a 4 year old has to go through a rigorous training in various areas just top have an edge and get admitted to one of the very high profile also very expensive private school. Once in the school you hang out with the Cream of the society, avoid the commoners and figh...

Baat bahut si kahti bhi hoon aur chupati bhi Kahti hoon bas itna jitna koyi samjhe ya na samjhe Nahi banayega koyi bhi raay mere baare me Keh bhi denge log ki kya keheti hai ye hi jaane Bahut hua tho janenge ki – janbujhkar bujhati hai paheliyaa Jinka jawab ye hi jaanti hai. Sach hi tho hai. Aisa hi tho karne ki adata hain meri Karti hoo baate main paheliyon me Dekhti hoon koun boojhta hai Mushkil tho hai itni bas ye ki Job nahi boojhta koyi – bas aur nahi kuch kehene ko ji karta hai Kitni baar hua hai aisa ki kisne – meri uljhi uljhi baato ko samjha hai Aur kayee baar jab kisine samjha hai Maine usko aur kathin – aur kathin Paheliyon me uljhaya hai Khel paheli ka karungi aur kitne der Ab tho lagta hai yahi andaaz hai mera Adat si jo ho gayee hai Karni tho hain baate lekin ghuma – fira kar Paheli si. Main aur meri baate.

Kal thi poornima aur tha pura chaand asmaan me Jab nind se bojhil ankhe meri thi taiyar dekhne ko sapne Jaise hi bujhakar ghar ki akhiri roshni socha maine “ab khatam hua din” Dekha maine karte koshish chaand ko – Jhaankne ki mere kamre me Mujhse bhi gaya na raha aur khidki par jaakar , Maine bhi uthkar dekha Tho fir dikhe mujhe – har ghar me bujhi roshni Aur betahasha jhumte ped – lehraate tez hawao me Dikhe mujhe wo tez hawa ke jhonke jinko karna mehsoos Tha koso door. Hatakar pardo ko thoda aur , jaakar thoda paas Dekha fir se main – pura chaand Dekhkar thodee der , ghumar dekha tho dekha chandani bhigoti hai meri chadar aur takiyo ko bhi Bas itna bhi ehsaas kisi ka – karne ki koshish aane ki paas Lagi bhalee aur jakar maine moond li apni ankhe Kyuki mujhko dekhne the sapne , puri chandani ke. Tabtak jabtak – asmaan na badle rang Lage bulane mujhko , din bhar ki halchal aur kolahal Wo bhi tho bas rang hai jeewan ke aur Abhi bahut kuch hai inme mujhe sikhne ke.

I am not talking about anything new when I say “Lehman has collapsed “and so collapsed our portfolio with it. Not all but most , and after all It was a very hard earned money – at the cost of many vacations and day we could have spend more leisurely , Leaving the loved ones globe across. It cost us more than it seems or what the figures convey. Well, I know it’s so much better than so many others – I know. I know all that but it was mine too after all and I dint even make this call. I dint even overhear when the call was being made. Guess I have to call an end to it and make my own choices. Feeling sort of dizzy and at loss of words. Recently, since I have found out about an expansion of my family and this new position I was missing my family more than ever before and it just keeps getting worse. Every night I just have one dream – that I want to have my whole family around me when my child sees me. I want her to see who I belong to as well. I dint feel this way when Pratyush was bor...

Unfortunately, I have to accept that I am one of them. Yes and I accept it – I always knew that I misspell words as think faster that I write or type. If you are a reader of my blogs from past you will agree. But Let me tell you its not so much fun or even alright when you write an Email at work and make typos, repeatedly especially to your manager. It’s bad. I kept telling myself to not take it personally and try to improve myself. I apologize for my mistake and also feel embarrassed and wonder “Damn! How did I miss that “. Sometimes it’s the spell check who thinks it corrected the word and changed the whole meaning of the sentence. First time in my life it came from my boss, Mr. Murty while I was working in India. He had to read one of my journals I was supposed to write for a month while I was on training. It was hand written and I doubted that he will read the whole thing as I wrote 2 pages a day answering 6 same questions each say on both the pages. But he did read the journal ...

WTC Every morning I take the NJ Transit train from Metuchen station in NJ to arrive at a Path Station at Newark NJ which connects NJ to NY. The Path Trains are more like the Metro is Calcutta and NJ Transit is like those Local Trains running above the ground, except people are better mannered and trains though crowded much quieter and calmer. Of course not to mention – it’s a working class crowd having prestigious jobs in NY. They commute so much – Because it is worth it and mostly they are satisfied with it. So the psyche of the crowd is different. You wouldn’t fine a women with an infant in train or young kids trying to get to school or even old couples traveling for site seeing – its just people dressed generally in grey black and white – reading Wall street Journal or a book, or having a Shut-eye on the head rest. No one talks to each other or smiles. Very mechanically people are climbing on and off the train. Well, I arrive at WTC and if I am not in the right compartment which sto...

Mamta ki kosi , Badalane ko Dhaaraa Hai Seene me Mere - Umadati ghumadati Bahegee fir se , Tod ke har bandhanC hutegi Dhaara , Kya har ek aangan Karenge hahakara , Bikharate sansaar Ya sichegi dharatee, jo thi tarasati Kya karegee intezaar ? Ye bhi 200 do sou saal Ya puree huyi hai awadhii aur Hai bahane ko taiyar Kisi bhi chhan - Todegee baandh Mere man ki kosi - Mere man ki Dhaara

Karte tho hai sabki baate sab hi Mujhko karni thi baate tumhari Sunane ko tumse tumhari kahani Kitni baar kisne, pucha hai tumse Kyu lagati hai tumko - Sardi ki dhup pyari Kyu barish ki bundo me - chipi thi chingari Puchne ko aise sawal tumse Uksane man ko tumhare - Ki dhundho tum jawab Likhi hai maine - Ye chithi tumko Karne ko baate - Tumse tumhari Kaise bitaye tumne wo pal jo tumko dekh tanha , maarne par tule the Kaise nibhaye wo saare rishte , jo chute bhi tho bas chubhate hi the Aisi hi baate Zaruri nahi kit um bolo mujhko Lo waqt jitna bhee chahiye tumko Nahi hai mujhe kisi - uttar ki abhilashaa Sunnae ko fir bhi - mere kaan hain hamesha Chahti hoon bas itana , ki khud se pucho tum Aur jaano khud ko , Pehchalo khud koTab tak , Tabtak - na jabtak Man hi tumhara lage kahane tumse Ki ho tum bhi sakhkham , Sab kuch karne ke Paane ka sabkuch hai tumko adhikar Maango Prakriti se , tum apna hissa Baanto Gaurav se , Tum apna kissa Aise hi baate , Tumse Tumharee.

When I started my blog , I started it out with a curiosity. Also Iassumed it a mode of communication to people all over the world whomight end up reading my page. Which I realize happens very rarely. Guessmy page isn't so interesting and I do not get lots of comments either. Then I started sending my blog to people I know or the people I wantedto read about me, not necessarily very interested in reading them. Imade sure that they read them as I sometimes even quizzed them about itand very often found that they just ignored my email about my newposting.It dint stop me as I am a story teller and no matter if I have anaudience or not - I tell stories and events. The irresistible desire totell things keeps me getting back to writing my blog. Especially when Iam reading a book I must tell the whole world how extraordinary the bookis or if they shouldn't waste their valuable time on it. Somebody evensuggested me to add link to Amazon to that book and I might actually getrewarded for ...